When I say "I believe..."

This afternoon I spent some time studying, something I haven't had a lot of time to do lately. It felt good to put that particular harness back on, even for a little while. It will be good to get EfM started again this fall because that will give me a focus and impetus to spend more time doing something  I dearly love doing -- studying. Too bad I didn't find studying in college as much fun and as interesting but better late than never, I guess.

This year there's a very challenging common lesson on "Mapping Your Theology."  It asks the student to examine various categories and to think about their beliefs, how they came by those beliefs, what the beliefs mean and a whole bunch of other stuff. It can be fairly daunting but it's also enlightening. I'm glad I've got my previous work to fall back on but also glad I have more experience under my belt as I tackle it yet again. It won't be on the class radar screen for months but I believe in getting things done early (except for housework, that is).

At church we recite the creeds, the "I believe" and "we believe" statements of faith that form a framework of our faith. It's kind of easy to use the words as a guide without really stopping to think what it is exactly we mean when we say "I believe in God," etc. 

"I believe" is the result of a lot of factors: what my culture thinks and how it presents me with options, my tradition (yes, the "faith once delivered to the saints", whatever that may mean in a given situation or faith community) gives me what our common history has contributed to what I believe and how; what my experience and reason tells me about what I think, perceive, understand; and where I stand in relation to all these and how it all comes together in how I think and practice my faith.

This isn't one of the easier exercises. If anything, it's an experience in frustration and head-banging, sort of like going through labor pains. It hurts like hell at times, there are periods of relative calm in between but at the end there's a feeling of accomplishment, satisfaction and, yes, insight. Working through this is like the difference between babysitting your brother or neighbor's kids and actually going through a birth process and having your own child put in your arms for the first time. And with the "I believe" exercises, the process repeats with each topic -- God, Jesus, the Spirit, the Trinity, the Church, Evil, etc.,

I can recite both the Apostles' and Nicene Creeds by memory but now I'm learning what it is precisely I'm "giving my assent to", as "believe" is often translated. For every head-whack there's also a corresponding "Aha!"  Oy, what a journey!  But you know, I can't think of a better journey to be on right now.