To the leader. Of David. A Psalm.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night’, even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.; My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed. How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! I try to count them—they are more than the sand; I come to the end—I am still with you.
O that you would kill the wicked, O God, and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me— those who speak of you maliciously, and lift themselves up against you for evil! Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. -- Psalm 139
I have trouble writing about the Psalms because even after years of reading and studying them, I still don't like them all that much. Ok, call me a heretic. Don't get me wrong, I have respect for them and even a deep love for some of them, but most bother me. There are times I read and I'm inwardly yelling at the psalmist to quit the bellyaching about the enemies and get on with life. I know that the psalmist wanted God to do something about them but at times it reminds me of a whiny child, nagging the parent to get what it wants. Ok, confession time over.
This psalm, though, is on my "like" list, along with parts of 95 that we call the "Venite", 100 (the Jubilate), 150, 121 and a few others.
The psalmist is in a praising mood. His insight this time is that no matter what happens or where he goes, God's already there. Even when he, the psalmist, is invisible, as in his mother's womb, God sees and knows not just of his presence but also his very essence. That kind of thought is really rather comforting, especially since there are times when I'm sure the psalmist felt God was nowhere around and he was really and truly stuck, in trouble or causing it. Ok, I can identify with this as I often feel the same things. I may not always recognize it or acknowledge it, but God is there regardless of whether or not I recognize or acknowledge it.
The part about God's enemies rather jars me as I read through this psalm. It's almost like the psalmist had built up this beautiful hymn of praise and trust and then has to try to get some extra favor from God by declaring himself on God's side, as God's defender and one who desires to protect God's honor. It puzzles me that the psalmist feels that God is unable to protect God's own honor, especially since God can be and is everywhere, seeing all, knowing all.
I guess this is the part that puzzles me about a lot of modern religion, Christian and others. So much pain and bloodshed has been caused by people needing to defend God or God's honor against those who, they felt, failed to respect or honor God in the way they themselves did and do. Utter something that someone takes as a diss and in the wrong place, time and company, I could end up tongueless, handless, skewered, shot, or made very crispy. Even if I express my faith in the boundless nature and power of God, someone else could seemingly, in my eyes anyway, put themselves forth as God's warriors and punish me for not following their precepts and understandingsm. Their God needs protection from the likes of me, even as they proclaim how great their God is. It feels a bit like they have God is in a box, made to require defense because of the need of God's worshippers to render judgment in God's name for perceived crimes against a being they feel is limitless, all-knowing and all-powerful. Seems a bit like a real contradiction to me.
The God I understand is the God of the first part of the psalm, the part before the bit about the enemies creeps in. I believe in the God who surrounds me, covers me, holds me up, and goes before me. The Lorica of St. Patrick has much the same feeling, especially the part:
Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger. (trans. Cecil F. Alexander)
I think maybe the psalmist would appreciate St. Patrick's view. It's a slightly different focus, but it expresses the same kind of embracing care and faith. It isn't God (or Christ) in a box but rather active and present, powerful and protective.
Lord, you were there at my being knit together, be there also at my unraveling.
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