I've been working on another book. This one is a bit different from Ginger's. In some ways it is much easier as the lady who wrote the manuscript, Jean, has been able to write it on her own without me having to transcribe tapes and piece together disjointed episodes. Earlier this evening I was writing an email question to Jean's daughter, the one who had contacted me about editing her mother's memoirs. I had recalled something that she had said about her mother being a bit egotistical. Hmmm. Aren't we all? Just a little bit?

As I was writing the email, though, I had an epiphany of sorts. This past week I'd watched Oprah's final show and also a repeat of her Master Class program. In the Master Class she talked about who she was, where she came from, what she learned, how she used those experiences to her advantage ad how she learned to be both herself and successful in her chosen profession. Now granted, Jean's no Oprah, but I saw something that connected the two in my mind: both are/have been strong personalities and both have/had accomplished a lot more than could have been expected given their circumstances, albeit in different ways. Both of them spoke of the triumphs and failures, the incidents that changed their life journeys and the people who helped or hindered them. Both of them weren't shy about speaking of their accomplishments, spoken in matter-of-fact terms, each recital building on the ones that came before.

Watching Oprah from time to time, I'd sometimes felt she was bragging about what she'd done and somehow it made me feel uncomfortable. Perhaps it was jealousy, or maybe envy was a better word. At any rate, reciting one's accomplishments felt like bragging, something I noticed in Jean's autobiography just as I'd noticed it in some of Oprah's reminiscences. And then tonight it hit me, an insight that comes from seemingly out of the blue with the impact of a hammer.

They aren't bragging. They are reporting their circumstances, their experiences and their truths—as they saw them and as they experienced them. They are simply reporting, telling their story and the things that influenced them and helped form them into the people they became.

Now I know people who do brag. They want the world to know what great human beings they are, what terrific things they've accomplished, how well they live and what value other people place on their words and actions. That's gratuitous reporting, recounting the glory days as a way of inflating their own egos without really having a reason to do so in the context of a conversation and with no real objective but to impress their listeners. I may not be the greatest judge of character, but it seems to me there's a palpable difference between those who brag and the pair of women I'm thinking of now. Yes, perhaps there is a little vanity in the telling, but on the whole, you can tell the difference—if you really listen.

I was raised not to brag about what I'd done because it just was not proper to do so. Long before I heard of the 12-step principle of doing a good deed every day, doing it quietly and if anyone found out then it would not count as the day's good deed, I saw it played out in the lives of people around me. Maybe they didn't shout their deeds from the housetops, but the small things, the little kindnesses and helping hands, made life better for someone. Oftentimes we would never know of these little actions until the person's funeral when someone would mention some deed the deceased had done or some help that they had given. The family would often be surprised because the dearly departed had never mentioned it, but then, that would have been bragging. They were simply doing what they saw needing to be done without looking for praise, repayment or even thanks.

So now I have a new insight to work with, one that demands that I look more carefully and attentively to not only what people say but how they say it. Is it to praise themselves or is it to illustrate how a single decision, word or deed can change a life? How am I speaking of my own life? What is my motive? What result am I looking for by the telling? What does it mean to my own life, being and journey?

I think I need to learn to listen also with more compassion and assumption of good intent. Perhaps someone is bragging, but perhaps they are doing so because they never heard praise and encouragement from others and learned to provide it for themselves. And perhaps they are reporting so that I can see their footsteps in the sand and follow on the solid path, avoiding the pools of quicksand just below the surface of ground that appears safe.

And that's my insight on this Saturday night.