Change

The bishop sent out his monthly email today. He was addressing a series of meetings, "Rector/Vicar Round Tables" and the purpose was to think of "work to grow the church." The part that got to me was where he introduced the report from 815 about the demographics of the church and what it means for the future. Part of the email said this:

Given the bleak picture presented by the demographers of the larger church, I expected these meetings to be filled with either apathy or denial as the seriousness of our situation, but I found neither. That does not mean that we should not take these warnings seriously. Unless things change, there is a very
really [sic] possibility that the Episcopal church will go out of existence in the next twenty years or so due to the death of its members (the average Episcopalian is 62, so you can do the math).

Yes, Bishop, it's clear that the future of the church belongs to younger people and what they feel they need as a form of worship. I don't disagree with that -- I just have some reservations.

The first thing that went through my head was, "Aren't we dying fast enough?"

Ok, that sounds really snarky and cynical, I know. I'd apologize but I just can't right now. It hurts too much for me to give any kind of adequate apology for what I feel.

I know how the whispering and murmuring goes on around the "old" folks who go to the 8am service at the parish, the service where they use Rite I, don't sing much, and coffee hour is a protracted sacrament after the service. Their numbers are falling as age claims them one by one, but they have a community that they treasure, a liturgy that they love and in a parish that they have given countless hours and dollars to build, nurture and support. They know how their disinclination to attend other services with Rite II, Rite III or experimental liturgies and music ranging from 1985 - era choir anthems to pop Christian ("Lord, I Lift Your Name on High", "On Eagles' Wings," etc.) to Taizé (which I actually like, really) make them objects of suspicion or even dislike, but they don't care. It's their church too and they're not backing down.

I've done a lot of reading and I know that the church has never been static. It may try to give that impression but while the basic beliefs may have been "the faith once delivered," the manner of expressing those beliefs has changed from culture to culture and century (or decade) to century (decade). I know change is inevitable, but why does it have to feel like either we have to embrace all the changes or be more or less edged out of the pews and through the doors on the way to the cemetery?

I've been through changes in the church. Any of us who have been around more than 5-10 years have seen quite a few -- women priests and bishops, moving the altar from the back wall to face the congregation, exchanging pipe organs (or even electronic ones) for guitars, keyboards and karaoke mikes, turning from Shakespearean language to something you hear on the streets (minus a lot of expletives, that is), girl acolytes, lay readers who can wear bras and not just jockey or boxer shorts, and more lay involvement in leadership. Maybe it was easier to embrace change when I was younger even though I've always been a firm believer in traditional language, music and formality in liturgy. It took me a while to get used to the 1979 prayer book after having come into the church under the 1928 but I adjusted. I missed morning prayer, even when it was changed from most Sundays to maybe the fifth Sunday if the month had such a creature. Now almost no church really does morning prayer as a part of worship on Sunday much less any other day; it's become something that seminarians might be introduced to but most congregants won't be.

In a way I'm sorry to be the age I am. I don't want to be or to feel old. I crave familiarity in a world that grows continually more strange every day. I really want to feel safe and secure, at least in my worship, because so much else in my life leaves me unsettled. The fact that I can follow the service and do the responses and prayers without having to resort to the prayer book where the type seems to be getting smaller every time I look at it is comforting to me. Sometimes it's hard to know whether "And with thy spirit," or "And also with you" or some other response is the correct one. Even PowerPoint doesn't always come out as clearly as it might, but when I can follow along with the liturgy just from memory, it gives me a rock I can hold on to, a familiar harbor in a strange and sometimes turbulent sea.

I know I must move aside and let progress progress. Nothing is static, even rocks and liturgy. I just wish it could hold of just a little longer. Maybe that's selfish, but I'm going as fast as I can. I just hate feeling it isn't fast enough.

Is there a 12-step group for "Anachronisms Anonymous"?