Spiritual Autobiography Using Items

One of the possible presentations for our spiritual autobiography is to pick two items , one of which represents what brings me closer to God and the other that which separates me from God. It's probably one of the more painless ways of doing a short SA but one that requires just as much thought as a stepping stone, a time line or any other form, at least, in my very humble opinion.

I chose my iPod as an item that brings me closer to God. I have a pretty sizeable collection of music on it. I generally listen to it at work (hence the earphones) to help me block out noise like the press boys' loud radio next door, but a lot of times I listen to it just because it helps calm me when things get frantic and I feel like I'm drowning. While there is orchestral music on it ("Lark Ascending" and "Terpsichorean Dances" are favorites), most of it is religious music of some kind: hymns, chants, Taizé and oratorio but my favorites are generally masses and liturgical music by Palestrina, Gabrielli, Byrd, Tallis, Bach – and Rutter.

There's a Tibetan Buddhist tradition of having prayer wheels that are kept turning, whether small hand-held ones that are kept in motion by flicks of the wrist or gigantic ones that are kept in motion by passers-by pushing on a rod, or sometimes a having a water wheel to keep the wheel in motion. The prayer is written on the outside of the wheel and also the inside and is a traditional Buddhist mantra, "Om mani padme hom." Buddhists believe that turning the prayer wheels are as effective as physically reciting the mantra again and again, a practice similar to our use of repeated prayers such as the Jesus Prayer or the Hail, Mary.

My iPod and the music it contains is, in a sense, my prayer wheel. It keeps my soul in touch with God through the offered music and prayer even as I am busy working at the computer, sorting things or even sometimes unloading a truck with a forklift. It keeps my connection open. At times my soul sings along with the music, much of which is familiar now through frequent playing or even from memory of use in many church services while at other times I am quiet as the prayer/song/aria/mass goes on around me. Whether I am actively singing or passively hearing, the prayer goes on around me and keeping me calm, focused and open..

On the negative side, several things separate me from God.

The television is a major distraction, often catching my attention on a program or snippet that can educate me (which is a good thing) but which often, as in the picture, either just entertainment or, quite often, just noise. So much I see on TV now is recitations of disasters, historical and anticipated, that fill me with discomfort and anxiety. I have had to stop watching many things like news programs because they too fill me with anxiety and fear for what is happening around me. I figure I have enough anxiety just dealing with daily life but the television is like an auto accident on the freeway: everybody has to slow down as they drive past to see what damage has been done.

The computer is both a distraction and a blessing. It is a blessing in that it is how I connect to EfM, friends and blogsites that encourage my fascination with and search for knowledge and connection with those who have similar interests and who often give me great insights and trails to follow productively. On the other hand, the computer is a distraction in that it is very easy to spend hours playing games or shopping for things which I sometimes can't afford. I also get news through the computer and many times I have had to stop reading blogs and comments because of how they made me feel --- anxious, angry, disgusted, sick and disheartened. It is very easy to forget God in the wonder of how people can be so cruel and so negative, even when it comes to religion. I try to avoid that kind of thing, but like the wreck on the freeway, I keep looking, hoping perhaps to see something different.

The cat (Sama) is a distraction but is also something God gave me, knowing how much I would need him, his brothers and his cousin eventually. They look to me for food, companionship and a clean litterbox and I look to them as companions, reasons to get out of bed in the morning and also to keep working so that I can keep them in their necessities of life.

Clutter around my desk is also a separation. I try to keep it tidy but it always seems to get ahead of me, one piece of paper, one book at a time. It represents my life as I live it, never quite measuring up to what I want to be or do, holding on to things because those things make me feel alive and connected.

So there is my spiritual autobiography in short, using things that separate me from and connect me to God.